Mr. Tulip and I have been having the talk. The "how do you feel about TTC" talk, we've been having it nearly every night. I feel pretty good about starting to try to get pregnant as soon as possible. Unfortunately things like, Grad school, health insurance and money are all obstacles. Hopefully they are obstacles that wont be a problem any more in May, when we do start trying.
We were discussing this and what it amounted to on his end is that he doesn't really feel ready to start trying yet, but that he knows how important it is to me so he's willing to work hard and get ready.
I appreciate that he's on board. And I appreciate that he's willing to take the steps to get himself mentally and emotionally prepared for TTC and Pregnancy and Fatherhood. All of this is great, and I love him for it and I'm so fortunate to have a husband who takes it all as seriously as he does.
But I can't help but feel like I'm pushing him. Like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't want to do.
What needs to happen, is I need to get over this need I have to feel guilty about wanting to move ahead in my life, in our life, and accept that Mr. Tulip is supportive and working hard to get to where I am. I need to not require him to be on the same page with me all the time and accept that it may take him a while to accept where our lives are headed, and to decide what he wants and how he feels about it.
Yes, exactly. Now if only it were that easy...
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year
Happy new year everyone! Today I believe that Mr. Tulip and I are going for a walk to take some pictures, I'll be back later with some highlights!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Something Fabulous
This year, I got a beautiful DSLR from my mother for Yule! I'm so so stoked, not just because I now have a lean-mean-picture-taking-machine but because this really stands for her supporting my decision to pursue photography instead of nursing. Also, my hours are getting trimmed back at work again so I'll actually have time to study not only photography, but also cook beautiful things.
What this means or my blog: The slow and inevitable transition to photoblog, better/more pictures of food, more recipes, more blogging.
And now, because I promised it:
Beefy Oniony Mushroomy Stew stuff!
(I don't have a picture to show you, sorry. Mr Tulip and I ate it before I got a chance to take pictures of it)
Time from start to eating- 3 1/2 hours ish (or more depending on when you want to eat)
Feeds- I'd say 6 people with average appetites, 4 if some one eats a lot.
Ingredients:
2 lbs of beefs, I buy what ever is an inexpensive hunk of beef and chop it up myself into nice bite size pieces because it's less expensive that way.
2 boxes of beef broth (You'll use about 1 1/2)
1 onion, I used a mayan sweet onion and it was good. Chop it up into spoon sized chunks.
2 boxes of mushrooms, baby bellas are my favorite. They'll need to be sliced for the soup but as with the beef, it's frequently less expensive to buy the whole mushrooms and then chop them yourself
An asston of butter
A couple big cloves of garlic, minced
Salt, Pepper, Thyme, Rosemary
Some flour
For the topping: (You'll need oven-safe soup crocks for this part)
Some high quality shredded Parmesan or Gruyere cheese (depending on your tastes)
Stale bread or croutons, what ever is convenient.
Directions
So, melt about a stick of butter in your favorite soup pot.
While that's melting, coat your beefs with flour, you can do this in a big bowl, toss the beefs in the flour until they look pretty well coated.
Take your chopped up floured beefs, pop them in the pot and brown them.
Then toss in the chopped up onion.
Cook until the onion is all soft and it smells like heaven, then add the garlic. There should be a thick paste like sauce stuff in the bottom (made from the flour combining with the butter and beef juice).
Pour in one box of broth, stir it up, wait for it to start getting all bubbly (this may take a few minutes depending on the size of your pan, then throw in the mushrooms.
Add a pinch of salt, some pepper, about a tsp of thyme (maybe 2 tsp) and about a Tbsp of rosemary (or two, if you're into that sort of thing).
Add the other half of a box of broth.
Cover. Let it simmer for something near 2 hours. (I simmered it for an hour, had it turned off for 3 while I went to class then simmered it another hour when I got home)
When you open it you should have a thick stew-like broth with a whole bunch of amazing floating in it.
You can eat it now, if you want. That's totally cool. Or you can be an over achiever and take it from "Oh, boy, this is a great stew" to "Oh My GAWD". It's your choice.
So here's what you do:
If you don't have croutons ready, make some. Here's the easiest way:
Spray some cooking spray stuff on a cookie sheet. Slice up your stale bread (I make little triangles with it, it'll need to be able to fit in a soup crock) Place it on the cookie sheet, spray the tops of your breads. Sprinkle some garlic powder on them, for fun. Put the sheet in the oven on 350 until they're golden brown and crispy. Do this while the soup is simmering.
Nearly fill a few crocks with stew (3/4), one crock per eater. Place croutons in the soup. Cover with your fancy cheese (I used some really wonderful shredded Parm, but I'm open to suggestions).
Put your crocks on a cookie sheet (use the same one you made the croutons on), and put them in the oven at 350 for 10-15 minutes or until the cheese is all melty and glorious. After you take them out put the lids on them (if you have lids). Put your non-crocked soup into a fancy tureen (if you have one, I like to use mine when ever the opportunity presents itself).
Set the table and serve! Be careful, the crocks will be hot.
Enjoy, Until next time
-Tulip
What this means or my blog: The slow and inevitable transition to photoblog, better/more pictures of food, more recipes, more blogging.
And now, because I promised it:
Beefy Oniony Mushroomy Stew stuff!
(I don't have a picture to show you, sorry. Mr Tulip and I ate it before I got a chance to take pictures of it)
Time from start to eating- 3 1/2 hours ish (or more depending on when you want to eat)
Feeds- I'd say 6 people with average appetites, 4 if some one eats a lot.
Ingredients:
2 lbs of beefs, I buy what ever is an inexpensive hunk of beef and chop it up myself into nice bite size pieces because it's less expensive that way.
2 boxes of beef broth (You'll use about 1 1/2)
1 onion, I used a mayan sweet onion and it was good. Chop it up into spoon sized chunks.
2 boxes of mushrooms, baby bellas are my favorite. They'll need to be sliced for the soup but as with the beef, it's frequently less expensive to buy the whole mushrooms and then chop them yourself
An asston of butter
A couple big cloves of garlic, minced
Salt, Pepper, Thyme, Rosemary
Some flour
For the topping: (You'll need oven-safe soup crocks for this part)
Some high quality shredded Parmesan or Gruyere cheese (depending on your tastes)
Stale bread or croutons, what ever is convenient.
Directions
So, melt about a stick of butter in your favorite soup pot.
While that's melting, coat your beefs with flour, you can do this in a big bowl, toss the beefs in the flour until they look pretty well coated.
Take your chopped up floured beefs, pop them in the pot and brown them.
Then toss in the chopped up onion.
Cook until the onion is all soft and it smells like heaven, then add the garlic. There should be a thick paste like sauce stuff in the bottom (made from the flour combining with the butter and beef juice).
Pour in one box of broth, stir it up, wait for it to start getting all bubbly (this may take a few minutes depending on the size of your pan, then throw in the mushrooms.
Add a pinch of salt, some pepper, about a tsp of thyme (maybe 2 tsp) and about a Tbsp of rosemary (or two, if you're into that sort of thing).
Add the other half of a box of broth.
Cover. Let it simmer for something near 2 hours. (I simmered it for an hour, had it turned off for 3 while I went to class then simmered it another hour when I got home)
When you open it you should have a thick stew-like broth with a whole bunch of amazing floating in it.
You can eat it now, if you want. That's totally cool. Or you can be an over achiever and take it from "Oh, boy, this is a great stew" to "Oh My GAWD". It's your choice.
So here's what you do:
If you don't have croutons ready, make some. Here's the easiest way:
Spray some cooking spray stuff on a cookie sheet. Slice up your stale bread (I make little triangles with it, it'll need to be able to fit in a soup crock) Place it on the cookie sheet, spray the tops of your breads. Sprinkle some garlic powder on them, for fun. Put the sheet in the oven on 350 until they're golden brown and crispy. Do this while the soup is simmering.
Nearly fill a few crocks with stew (3/4), one crock per eater. Place croutons in the soup. Cover with your fancy cheese (I used some really wonderful shredded Parm, but I'm open to suggestions).
Put your crocks on a cookie sheet (use the same one you made the croutons on), and put them in the oven at 350 for 10-15 minutes or until the cheese is all melty and glorious. After you take them out put the lids on them (if you have lids). Put your non-crocked soup into a fancy tureen (if you have one, I like to use mine when ever the opportunity presents itself).
Set the table and serve! Be careful, the crocks will be hot.
Enjoy, Until next time
-Tulip
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Grades are in
Well, I did it. And now, I'm going to brag about it!
I survived the semester. I got an A in Anatomy and a B in Microbiology. All told I'm very proud of myself. I also managed to work 45 hours during finals week and not have a total mental break down. Granted I'm exhausted and this is the first day off I've had in a week but, it's all good.
That's all for now, post/recipe coming later about beefy mushroomy oniony stew stuff.
I survived the semester. I got an A in Anatomy and a B in Microbiology. All told I'm very proud of myself. I also managed to work 45 hours during finals week and not have a total mental break down. Granted I'm exhausted and this is the first day off I've had in a week but, it's all good.
That's all for now, post/recipe coming later about beefy mushroomy oniony stew stuff.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Finals, Finales, saying goodbye
One final down, one more to go. I just finished taking my Anatomy 2 final and am taking a brief brain break before attempting to finish my take-home final for microbiology and study for the in-class final.
And, as usually happens before I start blogging, it got me thinking. Here I am, busting ass to get ready for two finals, to do well in two classes that I no longer need. It's freeing really. The lack of responsibility. I don't need to do well in these classes, someday I may want the credits from them, but that's doubtful. If I went through everything I've gone through to make it into the nursing program now, and don't want to do it, then I doubt I'll want to do it in the future.
Crocheting a scarf for Mom for Yule, making plans to take our Honeymoon (finally) in March.
Best news of the week: I get to keep my job! I was #1 on my managers list to keep after the holidays, And even the district manager likes me, she thinks I'm pretty good at my job, and that's a really nice feeling.
Worst news of the week: I have a group of friends that exist in my computer. I'm sure they exist outside of it as well, but I only know them through the internet. They know more about me than many of my real-life friends and I've grown to love them. One of them recently went into labor at 24 weeks (that's only a little over half as long as you're supposed to be pregnant).
Her daughter lived for a few days and passed away last night. My heart broke for them so much. I got angry when I found out that she was unlikely to live and threw a shoe. I held onto hope and prayed to Gods I don't even know to try to help; to do something for this family. And I know that every wonderful woman on that site was doing the same.
It's not right, and it's not fair. There's something so wrong in the universe that a woman who is as sweet and kind as she is can have such a tragedy happen to her. I'm still praying for her, for all of us.
And, as usually happens before I start blogging, it got me thinking. Here I am, busting ass to get ready for two finals, to do well in two classes that I no longer need. It's freeing really. The lack of responsibility. I don't need to do well in these classes, someday I may want the credits from them, but that's doubtful. If I went through everything I've gone through to make it into the nursing program now, and don't want to do it, then I doubt I'll want to do it in the future.
Crocheting a scarf for Mom for Yule, making plans to take our Honeymoon (finally) in March.
Best news of the week: I get to keep my job! I was #1 on my managers list to keep after the holidays, And even the district manager likes me, she thinks I'm pretty good at my job, and that's a really nice feeling.
Worst news of the week: I have a group of friends that exist in my computer. I'm sure they exist outside of it as well, but I only know them through the internet. They know more about me than many of my real-life friends and I've grown to love them. One of them recently went into labor at 24 weeks (that's only a little over half as long as you're supposed to be pregnant).
Her daughter lived for a few days and passed away last night. My heart broke for them so much. I got angry when I found out that she was unlikely to live and threw a shoe. I held onto hope and prayed to Gods I don't even know to try to help; to do something for this family. And I know that every wonderful woman on that site was doing the same.
It's not right, and it's not fair. There's something so wrong in the universe that a woman who is as sweet and kind as she is can have such a tragedy happen to her. I'm still praying for her, for all of us.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Just say no to nursing school
And yes to being a pie in the sky dreamer.
I'm not going to finish the nursing program. I got in, and I was disappointed. As I was opening the envelope I realized that what I wanted was the letter that said "we're sorry...." Instead it said "Congratulations!" So I threw it across the room and glared at it.
I'm not going to do it. I feel horrible taking the spot from some one who wants it, hopefully there's a waiting list.
I'm going to be a photographer. I'm taking a class in photography next semester and I'm going to do it.
I'm really proud of myself.
Now, all I need is a really good DSLR, which I can't afford. But I'll find a way.
I'm not going to finish the nursing program. I got in, and I was disappointed. As I was opening the envelope I realized that what I wanted was the letter that said "we're sorry...." Instead it said "Congratulations!" So I threw it across the room and glared at it.
I'm not going to do it. I feel horrible taking the spot from some one who wants it, hopefully there's a waiting list.
I'm going to be a photographer. I'm taking a class in photography next semester and I'm going to do it.
I'm really proud of myself.
Now, all I need is a really good DSLR, which I can't afford. But I'll find a way.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I am stronger than your drug
Well, that’s it. After 4 months of relative sanity and no longer being a slave to my anxiety, it’s back, and on fire.
Today instead of studying for the gigantic exam that I just took (and bombed), I sat on the couch and stared off into space. For a while I slapped myself around, then I snuggled the cat, rocked back and forth, and then twitched for a while.
I tried to study, I really did. I wanted to study, I’d like to do well in my classes so that if I do in fact get into the nursing program, I’ll have good grades. That’d all be nice.
But today, something else had a hold on me. Dark cold fingers gripped my chest, making it hard to breath, kept me pinned to the couch, so that even my desire to walk into the kitchen and eat seemed impossible.
I don’t think that most people have their lives so touched by heroin. I really don’t. I just lost a friend to a junkie, and now, my best friend is becoming one.
My best friend. The girl that should always be there for me, that I’ll always be there for. She was my maid of honor, I’m going to be her maid of honor we have matching tattoos, we even wear dorky Best Friends necklaces.
She’s using. Not only is she using. She’s shooting up. She’s shooting up and she’s lying to me.
She told me she’s been clean for 2 weeks, that she wants nothing to do with the guy that got her into it. She has a handle on it, she wants her life back, she wants her self back. She hasn’t been using long, or that much, she’s really working hard on sobriety.
(It bares mentioning, they don’t have a romantic relationship, just friends.)
This is what she told me. And I believed her.
This is what she told another friend:
She’s not been clean two weeks, she’s been clean maybe a week and a half, if that. She is still hanging out with this guy, they’ve been planning a trip across the state together. She did 10 bags a week.
I think 10 bags a week is a lot.
She didn’t tell me about either of these things.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t loose her. I wont.
I think the most that I can do is be there for her. Call her daily, text as much as I can. Be supportive, be there for her.
I have no fucking idea what to do for some one who uses heroin.
The last time I was close friends with a junkie he ended up OD’ing in the back of my car because he mixed two things that shouldn’t be mixed. (He ended up surviving, I got him to the hospital in time. We never spoke again after that)
I’m not prepared for this. I have no idea what to do for her. Do I tell some one else? That feels like something that a 16 year old in highschool would do. Oh no, my friend is doing drugs, I should tell a teacher!
She says that she’s going to therapy through the school, for her depression. She says she told her therapist about her drug use.
I don’t know, I don’t know if I can trust what she’s telling me.
I’m going to have to be stronger than the drug. I’m going to have to force my will to save her on this terrible demon that has infected her.
I must. And I will. She will not be taken from me. I swear it.
By all of the Gods that have been, are or shall be, I will NOT allow her to be taken from me.
Today instead of studying for the gigantic exam that I just took (and bombed), I sat on the couch and stared off into space. For a while I slapped myself around, then I snuggled the cat, rocked back and forth, and then twitched for a while.
I tried to study, I really did. I wanted to study, I’d like to do well in my classes so that if I do in fact get into the nursing program, I’ll have good grades. That’d all be nice.
But today, something else had a hold on me. Dark cold fingers gripped my chest, making it hard to breath, kept me pinned to the couch, so that even my desire to walk into the kitchen and eat seemed impossible.
I don’t think that most people have their lives so touched by heroin. I really don’t. I just lost a friend to a junkie, and now, my best friend is becoming one.
My best friend. The girl that should always be there for me, that I’ll always be there for. She was my maid of honor, I’m going to be her maid of honor we have matching tattoos, we even wear dorky Best Friends necklaces.
She’s using. Not only is she using. She’s shooting up. She’s shooting up and she’s lying to me.
She told me she’s been clean for 2 weeks, that she wants nothing to do with the guy that got her into it. She has a handle on it, she wants her life back, she wants her self back. She hasn’t been using long, or that much, she’s really working hard on sobriety.
(It bares mentioning, they don’t have a romantic relationship, just friends.)
This is what she told me. And I believed her.
This is what she told another friend:
She’s not been clean two weeks, she’s been clean maybe a week and a half, if that. She is still hanging out with this guy, they’ve been planning a trip across the state together. She did 10 bags a week.
I think 10 bags a week is a lot.
She didn’t tell me about either of these things.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t loose her. I wont.
I think the most that I can do is be there for her. Call her daily, text as much as I can. Be supportive, be there for her.
I have no fucking idea what to do for some one who uses heroin.
The last time I was close friends with a junkie he ended up OD’ing in the back of my car because he mixed two things that shouldn’t be mixed. (He ended up surviving, I got him to the hospital in time. We never spoke again after that)
I’m not prepared for this. I have no idea what to do for her. Do I tell some one else? That feels like something that a 16 year old in highschool would do. Oh no, my friend is doing drugs, I should tell a teacher!
She says that she’s going to therapy through the school, for her depression. She says she told her therapist about her drug use.
I don’t know, I don’t know if I can trust what she’s telling me.
I’m going to have to be stronger than the drug. I’m going to have to force my will to save her on this terrible demon that has infected her.
I must. And I will. She will not be taken from me. I swear it.
By all of the Gods that have been, are or shall be, I will NOT allow her to be taken from me.
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